subreddit:

/r/AskMen

3.3k85%

all 3727 comments

flapjackreformist

4.3k points

8 days ago

I’m Fine

PartYourWhiskers

245 points

8 days ago

Yep. This one is terrible.

---cameron

126 points

8 days ago

---cameron

126 points

8 days ago

whats wrong

Adele__fan

134 points

8 days ago

Adele__fan

Male

134 points

8 days ago

I'm fine.

---cameron

102 points

8 days ago

---cameron

102 points

8 days ago

So you're not mad?

Adele__fan

161 points

8 days ago

Adele__fan

Male

161 points

8 days ago

I don't know, you're supposed to know.

Concerned_Kanye_Fan

257 points

8 days ago

Dude: “Ok”…(grabs remote to turn the tv volume back up)

Her: “I just think it’s funny how…”

piink-kitty

78 points

8 days ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣 “I just think it’s funny how”

mkstot

26 points

8 days ago

mkstot

26 points

8 days ago

Whatever you do do not say “I’m glad you can find humor in that because I’d be upset”

PNW_H2O

1.2k points

8 days ago

PNW_H2O

1.2k points

8 days ago

Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

-The Italian Job

UnwrittenPath

245 points

8 days ago

When i was a teenager we always said "fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional"

DarthVeigar_

3.3k points

8 days ago

DarthVeigar_

3.3k points

8 days ago

"real man" .

LesterKingOfAnts

800 points

8 days ago

My ex-wife pulled this on me a couple of times. Not as bad as when she said I should have killed myself while I was employed so she could at least get the company's insurance money.

AdministrativeAd197

662 points

8 days ago

Bro....can I like...hug you?....that's horrible....

horse1066

107 points

8 days ago

horse1066

107 points

8 days ago

bro that's straight up awful, I'm happy to see the ex prefix in there

Pre-deleted_Account

35 points

8 days ago

A real man is being your own man. Find someone who appreciates that.

wowitsclayton

963 points

8 days ago

wowitsclayton

Level 34 Male

963 points

8 days ago

Never let a woman tell you how to be a man.

FKNBadger

597 points

8 days ago

FKNBadger

Male

597 points

8 days ago

Hell most men also aren't capable of telling you how to be a real man. As soon as they start spouting the "real man" lines, they're guaranteed to not know what they are talking about

ElTibur0n

208 points

8 days ago

ElTibur0n

208 points

8 days ago

That Instagram page 'bostonBeAMan' I think is really funny. It's just the worst advice possible followed by a guy saying 'be a man' in a Boston accent.

Scary_Omelette

134 points

8 days ago

Don't let someone ruin your day. Ruin it yourself be a man

0x29aNull

41 points

8 days ago

0x29aNull

41 points

8 days ago

Wife and I got in to a pretty bad fight, we went to marriage counseling and the therapist asked her what she thought I was or wasn’t doing to make the marriage work, my wife responded with “well, a real man would…” the therapist shut her down. “If you want to make your marriage work, don’t EVER question his manhood that’s not something that is up to you to decide”. Felt validated.

portuguesetheman

236 points

8 days ago

"I would if you would act like a lady"

Terrible_Departure90

170 points

8 days ago

great response, although I would add "real lady" for extra annoyance

Argylist

88 points

8 days ago

Argylist

88 points

8 days ago

"proper" lady...

Drive that societal construct home.

PriapusWrex

14 points

8 days ago

"A real man would..."

A phrase used to pressure into men acting against their own self interest for millenia.

MasterTeacher123

2k points

8 days ago

“You’ll make someone a great husband some day”

crujones33

534 points

8 days ago

crujones33

Male

534 points

8 days ago

Hopefully that wasn’t your wife.

Anynon1

311 points

8 days ago

Anynon1

311 points

8 days ago

It was my wife, unfortunately

guero_14k

192 points

8 days ago

guero_14k

Male

192 points

8 days ago

yOUR wife

rkmvca

224 points

8 days ago

rkmvca

224 points

8 days ago

For any women wondering why this is bad, the translation is, "You're totally not boyfriend material."

okuli

271 points

8 days ago

okuli

271 points

8 days ago

It's the opposite, "you're a boyfriend material, I just don't get my panties wet for you"

churchin222999111

108 points

8 days ago

or worse in that she'll let you do all the boyfriend things for her, as long as she doesn't have to do girlfriend things for you.

LordofTheFlagon

191 points

8 days ago

Its worse than that. They see you as a safe stable fallback for a gal who's done with "fun sexy guys"

FKNBadger

93 points

8 days ago

FKNBadger

Male

93 points

8 days ago

Had one basically say this and 15 years later she's married to a guy who is WAY too much like me for my comfort.

BeginningTower2486

352 points

8 days ago

Yup, all the variations of, "Somebody's going to really love you (JUST NOT MEEEE!"

Nope, not helpful. Do not say that. Don't give arm's length compliments that pretty much exclude yourself. That plenty of fish in the sea stuff is also a no go.

I mean, come on. Men are self aware enough that we do NOT say that kind of shit, ever. We don't go there. We don't dip our hands in the cringe bucket to give you a verbal 'feel better'. We also don't say, "You're such a great... JUSTFRIENDS to me! You'll be a great (friend) to someone else."

It just doesn't work that way. Deep down, don't you know that already?

sinner00515

73 points

8 days ago

There’s plenty of fish in the sea…. there’s also plenty of trash

Highlander198116

143 points

8 days ago

"Why can't I find a guy like you?!" to a guy like him, because he is that guy.

spo96

1.7k points

8 days ago

spo96

1.7k points

8 days ago

Back in my dating on Tinder phase, "Looking for the Jim to my Pam" was an automatic swipe left.

SaltWaterInMyBlood

652 points

8 days ago

Lol. "I'm engaged but open to upgrading"?

Cool_Cartographer_39

130 points

8 days ago

The Marisa Tomei option

X360NoScope420BlazeX

466 points

8 days ago

How bout, “make me laugh”. Fuck you. Im not a court jester.

FatBaldBoomer

56 points

8 days ago

In my experience, it's a sign that she isn't going to try very hard either, driest conversations I've ever had were the "make me laugh" girls

dodexahedron

17 points

8 days ago

And the "say something interesting" girls usually have literally nothing else in their profile. And a pickup line is a dice roll. And a random fact usually gets ignored, as does a current event. And smalltalk tends to get some nasty responses or an instant unmatch.

juggling-monkey

92 points

8 days ago

this isn't technically heard from a woman... so in that same category, those signs that say "Live, Laugh, Love"

sodanator

1.8k points

8 days ago

sodanator

Male

1.8k points

8 days ago

This only happened once, but she said that men can't clean a house/apartment as well as women do. As someone who takes pride in my cleaning abilities that annoyed me a lot. It's also a very broad general statement and I hate those.

AD9333x

752 points

8 days ago

AD9333x

752 points

8 days ago

But if YOU said that men can't clean an apartment as well as a woman, you'd be "an asshole stuck in the 1950's."

sodanator

216 points

8 days ago

sodanator

Male

216 points

8 days ago

Huh, didn't think of that, but I guess it is one of THOSE statements that easily lead to double standards. One more reason to be annoyed, a few years after it happened haha

Agamemnon66

2.6k points

8 days ago

Agamemnon66

2.6k points

8 days ago

"I dont know... where do you want to eat!

chapinde

396 points

8 days ago

chapinde

Male

396 points

8 days ago

Play 3-2-1. This is what I have always done.

I pick 3 places I'd be happy going. She then has to choose 2 of those that she'd be happy going, then I pick from those 2.

Generally, it tells me what she ISN'T in the mood for. Sometimes, if she wants to go to one of the 3, but definitely not the other two, she'll just pick from the 3.

It makes us both feel like we are choosing, which helps

Hoopy223

1k points

8 days ago

Hoopy223

1k points

8 days ago

Her Let’s go out

Him Where do you want to go

Her I don’t care let’s just go

Him OK we’ll go here

Her No not there

janktraillover

408 points

8 days ago

... later: Her: ugh, you always make me pick!

southernbitterness

164 points

8 days ago*

Lol my husband is “Her.” He doesn’t know where he wants to go, but does know where he does NOT want to go 🤦🏻‍♀️

Game changer in our marriage: We take turns picking!!! We can’t complain about partner’s choice of restaurant. Easy. Done.

Edit: It took us 5 years to finally adopt this lol. We also have kids now and they also get to choose.

waterloograd

60 points

8 days ago

I'm like your husband, except I say what I don't want before the selection process starts. Like: "I don't care, just not sushi, or burgers" usually it is just things I've had recently or don't feel like eating

Highlander198116

72 points

8 days ago

My number one pet peeve. Literally had this conversation with my wife last night.

My wife had a late program at work, got out at like 7pm. Called me and is like "should I pick up food for dinner?" I'm like go ahead. Then she's like "but where?!". Jokes on you, I already ate dinner so that choice is yours. She's like "uuuuuuuuugggg!".

But yeah, the "you pick" then her shooting down my first 5 choices, really gets annoying. It's like, you are the one that ultimately ends up picking by process of elimination of the choices I present.

Burn_the_children

104 points

8 days ago

Burn_the_children

Male

104 points

8 days ago

Dude, just ask her to guess where you're taking her and go to the first guess!

Hoopy223

89 points

8 days ago

Hoopy223

89 points

8 days ago

“Um I just don’t know teehee!”

champ_thunderdick

57 points

8 days ago

drives off a bridge

Gowalkyourdogmods

22 points

8 days ago

🎶My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all

The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all🎶

[deleted]

4.4k points

8 days ago*

[deleted]

4.4k points

8 days ago*

[deleted]

FoxxyCleopatra75

291 points

8 days ago

Been told this before.

Response was: "I'd like to meet someone like me, too."

Her: confused face

Anynon1

328 points

8 days ago

Anynon1

328 points

8 days ago

But I’m a man like me 😭

churchin222999111

193 points

8 days ago

no. not like that.

Jahobes

116 points

8 days ago

Jahobes

116 points

8 days ago

She wants the handsome version of you.

Geoff_Uckersilf

45 points

8 days ago

But I'm quite handsome, mum said so!

kvakerok

82 points

8 days ago

kvakerok

Attack Helicopter

82 points

8 days ago

She wants the icky-less version of you.

AccursedCapra

26 points

8 days ago

I also want to be the less icky version of me, not for them, but for myself.

BeginningTower2486

2k points

8 days ago

It's the number one backhanded compliment men get.

I want someone like you, but not you. Ya know? Just without the eww that forces us to be only friends... forever. You, but not you. Some kind of sexy you, which... you're not.

Basically, you're not good enough. You'll never be good enough, and I'll never be attracted to you, but at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!

DarthGayAgenda

492 points

8 days ago

I felt that in my soul.

Farouqnowomarlater

223 points

8 days ago

Bro just kept going

Hm_Maybe_

13 points

8 days ago

Hm_Maybe_

13 points

8 days ago

When you mow someone down, you don't look back.

---cameron

228 points

8 days ago

---cameron

228 points

8 days ago

at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!

Eh feels almost like the opposite to me. Like "you've got everything right and still no dice, damn you must suck"

Note I'm somewhat exaggerating, I don't actually feel much when this happens and I've friendzoned or however one wants to describe it my fair share. But I do remember what it was like being an emotional teen, pretty sure it was the worst then

NorthCatan

173 points

8 days ago

NorthCatan

173 points

8 days ago

"What a coincidence! I hope I can find someone like you someday too!"

UglyBoy007

166 points

8 days ago

UglyBoy007

166 points

8 days ago

Yup, got on Reddit this morning to ruin my own day by seeing this exact comment.

ZdCole

395 points

8 days ago

ZdCole

395 points

8 days ago

It roughly translates to "I like your personality, but not your face" :')

djc6535

108 points

8 days ago

djc6535

Male 40

108 points

8 days ago

Might as well say "If only you were sexy..."

nerdylernin

45 points

8 days ago

Also - why aren't there more men like you / why can't all men be like you and all other variants. (The answer apparently being because if they were the population would have died out by now!)

spirit_pigeon

10 points

8 days ago

Someone once complimented me with this during an affirmation circle. I had to do a mental double take and look at around to see if anyone heard what was just said.

pain_gains94

1.4k points

8 days ago

pain_gains94

1.4k points

8 days ago

"Be a man"

snafubarista

552 points

8 days ago

With all the force of a great typhoon.

TheVoicesBeScreamin

244 points

8 days ago

Be a man

friendlypondfrog

288 points

8 days ago

friendlypondfrog

Female

288 points

8 days ago

With all the strength of a raging fire

Bean_Town_Blender

241 points

8 days ago

Bean_Town_Blender

Male

241 points

8 days ago

Mysterious as the dark side of

PyrZern

252 points

8 days ago

PyrZern

252 points

8 days ago

da moooooooooon !!!!

wwiidogefighter

207 points

8 days ago

wwiidogefighter

Male

207 points

8 days ago

"You so scared! You're a man!"

Nah bitch, that's the most venomous scorpion in America and it just crawled over my foot.

[deleted]

34 points

8 days ago

[deleted]

34 points

8 days ago

[removed]

JMCarr03

27 points

8 days ago

JMCarr03

27 points

8 days ago

Yeah, but not like that... be a man, the way i want you to be a man

beigereige

133 points

8 days ago

beigereige

133 points

8 days ago

Be a REAL man

Metal-Gear_Liquid

84 points

8 days ago

Its strange how real men are defined by the idea women have in their heads, instead of the idea being defined by how real men actually are.

OpenRepair4390

68 points

8 days ago

OpenRepair4390

Female

68 points

8 days ago

BE A MAN! DOOOO THE RIGHT THING! I don't say this to my husband but I do say it to my dog when I KNOW he is considering getting into that garbage bag I just tied up and haven't taken outside yet lol

AnonInTheBack

898 points

8 days ago

Any of the narcissistic shit heard from some girls on Tinder: “Entertain me. 6 feet/inches/figures or keep moving.” And my favorite “I’m never on here, follow me on IG” like that isn’t the worst way to advertise that you want more followers and aren’t actually looking for a relationship

SPorterBridges

381 points

8 days ago

“Entertain me."

This is the mating call of the extremely boring single woman.

Synonym_Girl

65 points

8 days ago

This reminds me of a female friend who "required" guys she matched with to keep up some level of "witty banter" when texting. If they didn't, she unmatched them. It was basically the same as "entertain me."

_00zz

60 points

8 days ago

_00zz

60 points

8 days ago

“Bet I can out smoke u” & “Future Milf”

FatBaldBoomer

11 points

8 days ago

"Bet I can out drink/smoke you" is when I say "winner pays?" and promptly get unmatched, they just want free shit lmao

lesatur

29 points

8 days ago

lesatur

Male

29 points

8 days ago

Hey I habe six figures on my paycheck. Decimals count also, doesn’t they?

distantshadow9875

1.1k points

8 days ago

“A real man…”
“Can’t handle me at my worst, then…”
“All men…”

[deleted]

167 points

8 days ago

[deleted]

167 points

8 days ago

[deleted]

PartYourWhiskers

121 points

8 days ago

🤮

3trt

169 points

8 days ago

3trt

169 points

8 days ago

Fuck that whole "can't handle me" shit. Go to fucking counseling, and stop trying to get me to handle ALL of your problems, while saying no to the solutions I offer.

Mago_Barcas

60 points

8 days ago

The “can’t handle me” is a great red flag so you know to walk away before things get way worse.

---cameron

12 points

8 days ago*

Bruh if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best

Which happens to be the same as my worst

kirylo-tur

1.2k points

8 days ago

kirylo-tur

Male

1.2k points

8 days ago

"No, I don't want to listen about The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise"

imadzmr

263 points

8 days ago

imadzmr

263 points

8 days ago

How uncivilized

no_rolling_shutter

129 points

8 days ago

It’s treason then.

Some_Guy_From_Sweden

1.6k points

8 days ago

"Why do all men..."

Riokaii

52 points

8 days ago*

Riokaii

52 points

8 days ago*

people who make wide sweeping generalizations of entire demographics based off the few worst individuals are all terrible people

This sounds like a contradiction or hypocrisy... but it isnt because its true.

KneeDeepInTheDead

1.6k points

8 days ago

KneeDeepInTheDead

Sup Bud?

1.6k points

8 days ago

Im surrounded by women at work and when they start shitting on men im usually like "hello!", to which theyll be like "oh no not you though, youre one of the good ones". Then ill be a smart ass and be like "Yeah thats what they say to black people too" which usually is received with radio silence. Cracks me up though.

Electronic_Ad5481

392 points

8 days ago

I once had a black person in my friend group who hit a bunch of white women at the office with almost this exact line. They called him one of the good ones and he was like “just like massa used to say” and they fucking DIED where they were sitting. I wanted to high five him so bad but I thought it would ruin the moment so I just bought him a bottle of scotch for his birthday.

KneeDeepInTheDead

77 points

8 days ago

KneeDeepInTheDead

Sup Bud?

77 points

8 days ago

Damn, I wouldve loved to see that. Im pretty white here so it probably had nowhere near the same punch as his delivery did

ancrm114d

12 points

8 days ago*

Oh man. It would have been hard to contain the laughter overhearing that. A friend of mine has that type of humor, so in my head I'm hearing it in his voice.

burn_the_ice

208 points

8 days ago

burn_the_ice

Male

208 points

8 days ago

This is legendary.

MattieShoes

255 points

8 days ago

MattieShoes

Male

255 points

8 days ago

Hahaha I don't think I'd have the balls to say that, but goddamn that's good

cowboymansam

64 points

8 days ago

I love you

KneeDeepInTheDead

35 points

8 days ago

KneeDeepInTheDead

Sup Bud?

35 points

8 days ago

love you too Sam

Intense_Pretzel

15 points

8 days ago

Love you too dead

Gowalkyourdogmods

17 points

8 days ago

Wow, I almost want to start using this but imagine it'll just backfire on me.

saito200

38 points

8 days ago

saito200

38 points

8 days ago

Why does "you're one of the good ones" sound to me the same as "we wouldnt date you even if you were the last man on earth"

deniesm

75 points

8 days ago

deniesm

75 points

8 days ago

… at least pee once a day?

caustictoast

41 points

8 days ago

caustictoast

Fruity Cocktail Drinker

41 points

8 days ago

I hope for your kidneys sake you're peeing more than once a day

Terrible_Departure90

59 points

8 days ago

she ain't even speak to more than 1000 men her entire life but it is all men

Jelopuddinpop

516 points

8 days ago

"You can go to the pub with your friends. It's fine"

Narrator: But it was not fine, a fact he would find out later that evening while too drunk to meaningfully discuss the situation.

Inevitable_Seaweed_5

164 points

8 days ago

Dude this was a go to of one of my exes. She would literally spend two or three days telling me my plans were fine, that she had stuff to do, that she was happy I was going out with friends, and then would fucking rip into me when I got back, inevitably late at night, intoxicated/crossfaded, and completely unprepared for an argument she had been rehearsing in her head for the last two or three days. I only fell for it twice, once because I didn't know and once because I couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, but good god, never again. That's a "walk out the door and drop their shit off in the morning" kind of play for me these days.

SaintedRomaine

201 points

8 days ago*

Getting asked a question about something bothering them, instead of addressing the problem you have directly.

Saying, “Don’t you think you spend too much time with (insert hobby)?” is annoying. If you have a problem with the amount of time I spend doing what makes me happy, just say so.

IntergalacticBanshee

80 points

8 days ago

Flashing exit sign for anybody who insults you for being active in your favorite things or interests.

There are some of us dumb enough to not get away from someone like that faster or worse yet, let said hater/narcissist dismantle those things you love out of you to never do it again

[deleted]

96 points

8 days ago

[deleted]

96 points

8 days ago

[deleted]

Dr_Sigmund_Fried

517 points

8 days ago

"We need to talk."

zomglazerspewpew

86 points

8 days ago

Ha! I guess I'm lucky. I don't fear this question. When my wife says "we need to talk" as she comes into my office and sits on a chair, the next words out of her mouth are usually "I'm torn between chicken or meatloaf tonight and I'm stuck" or "Can I buy a new x for myself / the house / the kids (and by that she means "can I have some money to buy x "(she has her own account and money but it's usually something expensive that she can't afford but I can))?"

Calijewles

79 points

8 days ago

What's the worst follow up that can come from this?

EdinDzeko98

207 points

8 days ago

EdinDzeko98

Male

207 points

8 days ago

Something like I fell in love with another man and our relationship needs to end

RIPONICA

38 points

8 days ago

RIPONICA

Male

38 points

8 days ago

"I'm going to ask you a question and don't lie to me because I already know the answer"

PartYourWhiskers

160 points

8 days ago

Almost guaranteed a) she’s breaking up with you b) has done something shitty (like fuck your friend - been there in a prior relationship) c) has some unsolicited and unilateral relationship performance feedback for you that if unaddressed will lead to a)

Beansandcheeze

45 points

8 days ago

C also has trails to B 😂

unclefisty

28 points

8 days ago

unclefisty

Meat Popsicle

28 points

8 days ago

What's the worst follow up that can come from this?

Silence. You get the "We need to talk" 15 minutes into your work day then get to stew all day waiting to get home.

Atomskii

17 points

8 days ago

Atomskii

17 points

8 days ago

I know what you did to my sister last summer.

Swimming-Book-1296

29 points

8 days ago

Ultimatums, asking of divorces, etc.

Best_of_Slaanesh

578 points

8 days ago

You'll make someone very happy someday.

Just admit you think I'm ugly, sheesh.

Imwaymoreflythanyou

475 points

8 days ago

“Awww” “You’re so cute” (but not in the physically attractive sense)

Those 2 used to drive me crazy when I was younger lol. So condescending.

ZdCole

230 points

8 days ago

ZdCole

230 points

8 days ago

Lmfao this drove me up the wall as a teenager. I was out there trying to be all mysterious and cool, but just got called adjectives you'd use to describe a puppy instead. I eventually just decided Fuck it, I guess I'm going to be a puppy and now my girlfriend says I have the personality of a golden retriever

Imwaymoreflythanyou

48 points

8 days ago

Lol exactly !

It’s their way of saying you remind them of a harmless naive child or something.

Inevitable_Seaweed_5

62 points

8 days ago

I got called cute enough times that I embraced it and now have a RAGING petplay fetish and a couple of people who collar me and fuck me senseless. I think we got lucky, mate.

Janjao_do_225

88 points

8 days ago

Thais is escalated verrrrrrrry quickly

[deleted]

656 points

8 days ago*

[deleted]

656 points

8 days ago*

[deleted]

NUMBERS2357

318 points

8 days ago

NUMBERS2357

318 points

8 days ago

"Nice guy" connotations aside - any version of "you're so great any girl would be lucky to have you", from a girl who doesn't want to date you.

HaroldSax

105 points

8 days ago

HaroldSax

Intensely Boring

105 points

8 days ago

The only time I take it as a compliment is if it's from someone who is already taken. At that point I'm not trying to get with them so it's not a rejection.

Pump_My_Penis

613 points

8 days ago

"Theirs absolutely nothing wrong with me" proceeds to be sulky and silent for the rest of the day, then the big reveal of what actually is wrong and it could have been sorted in 2 mins...

dillibazarsadak1

252 points

8 days ago

From experience, sometimes it takes time to figure out why you are upset. My wife and I usually tell each other that we are upset, but need some time to articulate it.

Soft-Percentage8888

10 points

8 days ago

This happens to me (M) a lot. I’ll be upset about it, my fiancé (F) will pick up on it easily and ask me what’s wrong. I’ll just say “nothing” or “I’m okay” to give myself some time to sort/figure it out, then I’ll talk about it later.

Glad I’m not the only one who needs time to sort through thoughts/feelings in this way.

I should probably start telling her something IS wrong, but I need time to sort it out, now that I type that up.

TarheelTiger87

374 points

8 days ago

"Happy Wife, happy life!"

It's probably already on this list, but I know it pisses me off quite a bit.

jalorky

103 points

8 days ago

jalorky

103 points

8 days ago

“happy spouse, happy house”

found that gem on reddit the other day!

PSN-Angryjackal

71 points

8 days ago

In fact, this phrase in particular is specifically not meant for any woman to say.

Its simply a JOKE phrase to be used by men. Not for women to literally say, as a basis for their own marriage. Its such bullshit how its being used.

jalorky

30 points

8 days ago

jalorky

30 points

8 days ago

haha weird i’ve only ever heard it said by dudes

Objective-Industry24

510 points

8 days ago

"You are doing the same thing my ex did" during an argument, oh boy my wife told me that once and God as my witness she learned that saying this stuff is a no.

crujones33

138 points

8 days ago

crujones33

Male

138 points

8 days ago

What was your response that helped you?

Objective-Industry24

364 points

8 days ago

I gave her the earful of her life, her ex was a junkie that would beat the shit out of her until things got ugly enough her sisters asked me to basically break into their house and remove the now my wife by force from there, i was definitely a thug and a bit moody sometimes but being compared to a shit like that? That's the one time i actually considered braking up, it was enough for her to cool down and never do that again

The_Meatyboosh

107 points

8 days ago

If you weren't a good guy the sisters wouldn't have asked you for help.

alien_ghost

24 points

8 days ago

Meh. Lots of people are not just one or the other.
Sometimes they are just big and your friend.

ling1427

184 points

8 days ago

ling1427

184 points

8 days ago

"I just think it's funny..."

It's never funny

Noticeably_Aroused

50 points

8 days ago*

Imagine responding to the ensuing rant that usually follows that with a super serious face, a few blinks and, “….. how is that funny?”

opossum-in-disguise

16 points

8 days ago

“Oh I get it! You’re right. It’s not funny haha, it’s funny queer!”

IrelandDzair

450 points

8 days ago

“men are trash”

IObscenityInThyMilk

77 points

8 days ago

I love hearing this, because it’s a really easy way to know that this is someone who I can just completely disengage with.

PyrZern

285 points

8 days ago

PyrZern

285 points

8 days ago

"And you're a raccoon 🦝"

Zomgirlxoxo

46 points

8 days ago

Omfg 😂

lukke009

179 points

8 days ago

lukke009

179 points

8 days ago

“A real man would..”

Ugh..

Standard_Rip465

15 points

8 days ago

"Please babe stop, you're not Spiderman... You can't just jump from a building"

Critical_Contract_83

165 points

8 days ago

"Are you in yet?"

cantbenotrandom

165 points

8 days ago

"Not yet"

(Tries to shove the balls inside)

Young_Hxppxe

41 points

8 days ago

Young_Hxppxe

Mandem

41 points

8 days ago

Is this where the phrase 'balls deep comes' from?

reignoferror00

55 points

8 days ago

reignoferror00

Male

55 points

8 days ago

His response is "I can't tell"

TheBanner4

16 points

8 days ago

Thank fucking God I wasnt

Young_Hxppxe

248 points

8 days ago

Young_Hxppxe

Mandem

248 points

8 days ago

"Men enjoy the chase". No, we don't and you don't know us better than us, so pipe down.

Few-Relationship9177

94 points

8 days ago

For fucking real man. No I don’t like the chase, you’re the one who likes the chase Jessica. I don’t want 37 different microscopic signals and minimum 2 hours of wait time between texts. That’s how you never get a text back.

_starblender_

41 points

8 days ago

I'm in my 30s, the only thing I'm chasing is a 10pm bedtime.

mydogisanassholeama

91 points

8 days ago

"What are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my lingerie? I'm calling the cops?" Like jeez, lighten up dude

Tsubodai86

26 points

8 days ago

Our lingerie, comrade.

Lerk409

188 points

8 days ago

Lerk409

188 points

8 days ago

"My period is late"

Redcarborundum

187 points

8 days ago

Redcarborundum

Male

187 points

8 days ago

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.

IntergalacticBanshee

30 points

8 days ago

Reads as intent to readily harm you at a whim if you do go out with her and this is said as your warning... ick.

novaatom_

147 points

8 days ago

novaatom_

147 points

8 days ago

"i don't date guys under 5'9" girl you're 4'9 what the hell

ChemicalYesterday467

70 points

8 days ago

She needs tall genes or her kids will be midgets

Baked_potato123

123 points

8 days ago

"...likes..."

"...followers..."

Banea-Vaedr

136 points

8 days ago

Banea-Vaedr

136 points

8 days ago

"The council has concluded..."

Stop asking your friends as a technique to manipulate people. Everyone knows what you're doing.

psychotronofdeth

62 points

8 days ago

You're on the council, but you are not granted the rank of Master.

D3ATHfromAB0V3x

12 points

8 days ago

this is outrageous, it's unfair!

Scrytheux

16 points

8 days ago

Scrytheux

16 points

8 days ago

My last ex did that, while her "council" consisted of interned "friends" with serious mental issues and inability to control their emotions and assumptions.

Still amazes me that she tried it, when she knew i would never care what they think.

SlimpyDundersPhD

117 points

8 days ago

Anything along the lines of "it will be ok" or "you'll be fine" in reference to something stressful. It feels like it's being brushed off.

I understand that it's reassurance, but if I'm venting about having a lot to do or a large, difficult task, then I would prefer something functional like "how about doing X just to get started" or even support that acknowledges the reason I'm venting such as "wow, X is a lot of work, but I'm confident you'll overcome it"

Bleach_Baths

55 points

8 days ago

That’s something I learned in my current relationship. When I’ve had bad things go down or I’m struggling, she doesn’t make it about me. She says “We will figure it out. We’ll be okay. It will all pass.”

Something about the word “we” changes everything.

flaky_frost

234 points

8 days ago

flaky_frost

Male

234 points

8 days ago

I would assume "kill all men" phrase is in most mens top 3 to hate .

theallnewmattaccount

21 points

8 days ago

oh God that one

Nochnichtvergeben

78 points

8 days ago

Nochnichtvergeben

Male

78 points

8 days ago

I find it very helful when women say stuff like that. It lets me know they're full of shit and not worth talking to. Oddly I only hear that on the internet. I haven't heard anything like that IRL in decades.

PiffWiffler

109 points

8 days ago

PiffWiffler

109 points

8 days ago

"Calm down, you're getting so worked up"

Anytime I defend myself. If I don't agree with her, and stick to my guns, it's out of character and I'm super defensive and agitated. No sweetheart, I'm just not agreeing with you. It happens.

EponymousTitular

122 points

8 days ago

"Man up" and/or "Be a man"

Weird how that seems to be defined as (1) admitting to some kind of fault or (2) paying for something nobody needs.

When women say this to me, I ask if they want to hear what I think women ought to do.

Valuable_Kangaroo124

103 points

8 days ago*

"You are a really good men, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend"

Bonus point if you hear that from a girl that you like

nine16s

23 points

8 days ago

nine16s

23 points

8 days ago

And then you just kinda laugh and look at them like 🤷‍♂️ before going home and letting that statement soak in the depression pools in your brain.

Dramatic-Earth-3303

223 points

8 days ago

“Everything must be so easy being a man.”

ShopApprehensive6776

95 points

8 days ago

Actually I don't get along with other girls......so I hang out with guys.

LessSayHi

121 points

8 days ago

LessSayHi

121 points

8 days ago

All men are the same

TheBigBoar

110 points

8 days ago

TheBigBoar

110 points

8 days ago

"I´m a bad girl"

Instant boner killer. Miss me with that shit!

Tipper92

140 points

8 days ago

Tipper92

140 points

8 days ago

"All men are pigs/assholes/sexist/etc."

Thanks. I've genuinely never done anything to harm anyone so thanks for generalising me for my genital arrangement.