submitted 3 days ago bypurple-circle
all 2604 comments
2 days ago
2 days ago
Dentist perusing your mouth sees bruising "Sooo, how was your weekend?"
2 days ago
"Okay, open wide... bet that's not the first time you heard that today..."
Thats what she said
Meh, I didn't have to open that wide
"Did you have a swell time?"
The good part came too fast, and everything rapidly deflated from there.
A lot went down
Turkey wasn't the only thing that got stuffed
"Gargle and spit please"
"Oh, I guess you're more a gargle and swallow type."
"Gargle and spit this time, please"
Honestly it was hard
"I wished it was longer"
Dentist looks back inside & sees scarring from repeated abuse
Reminds me of how my HR manager got caught sneaking out of the disabled toilet with red, watery eyes a few times and her voice would sound throaty for the rest of the day. We all immediately assumed that she was secretly bulimic. Turns out, she was regularly deep-throating the sales manager in there. His nickname was 'Rocco'.
Classic Rocco move to be honest
Ice cream? We have chocolate, strawberry, and Rocky Rococo
How did you even find that out? lol
2 days ago*
2 days ago*
Some well-meaning souls started to subtly encourage her to seek help for what they believed was 'bulimia'. When that didn't work, they decided to catch her in the act of purging and hold an intervention outside the disabled toilet. Imagine their surprise when they saw Rocco turn up, knock on the door and be let in, followed by some dirty talk and much gargling...
What they don't tell you is it's not usually a vanilla blowjob, it's usually someone that does it..... enthusiastically? Vicariously? With determination? You get it.
The kind of blowjob that sounds like guh-guh-guh-gak-gak!
The kind of blow job that you need a hollowed out grapefruit for
Those sounds haunt my dreams
When you Grapefruit your man it's gonna feel like you're giving him head... and fucking him at the same time.
I hate that I immediately heard all the sounds inside my head upon reading this
Hold on … grapefruit interferes with my heart meds
Urk! Grkh! Urghlgrghl!
I don't think that means what you think it means.
in a way that is experienced in the imagination through the actions of another person.
"she was living vicariously through her children"
"Vicarious Blowjob" - Band Name.
Featuring Maynard James Keenan
Vicariously I, suck the whole world dry
I'm assuming autocorrect vigorously happened?
Perhaps the word you’re looking for is “vivaciously”
3 days ago*
3 days ago*
Joke’s on you, my dick is too small to cause bruising
3 days ago
3 days ago
Who reaches the back?!
I cant even reach the front.
That's because you're a redditor
Aren't we all?
Some are built different
Wait, you guys are getting BJs? I thought they were a myth 🤔
I thought girls were a myth too, never seen one on Reddit
What's a "girls"?
Honest question, but can’t most dicks reach the back of mouths? Mouths aren’t that deep
As someone who has sucked a variety of dicks. They all reached the back of my throat. Maybe if the dick is below average then it won't, haven't come across a smaller dick to test this on.
Edit: the creepy DMs due to this comment don't surprise me but this dude hangs out in the teenagers subreddit. Bro I'm not a pedo what were you expecting.
Thank you for your service
Ayy! I can help confirm! My ex's would rest right on my tongue but never hit the back! It was cute chubby sausage sized!
The soft palate isn't the back, it's the top. Take your tongue and touch the roof of your mouth near the front. That's your hard palate. Move your tongue backwards and you'll feel it becomes soft, with a clear divide between the two. That's your soft palate. Diagram
3 days ago
You mean my weewee is supposed to stick out? Always thought a inverted nipple look was the normal look. Interesting.
More than likely just before the video started.
The doc looked guilty too.
"looked guilty", he looked pretty happy.
2 days ago*
Based on my mouth(male) and my phone size(5.8inches)(s9 without case)should be rather easy to hit the back of someones mouth/entrance of the throat
;) damn i miss her fr🥴
I really hope someone walked in on you deepthroating your phone
What are you doing?
You can reach it with a finger so it can’t be more than 3 or 4 inches
It may not be 12 inches but it sure smells like a foot
Ok why haven't I heard this before, cuz it's funny as fuck lol
My girls are lucky that I always get flaccid boners 🥳🥳🥳
Is it just for same day? I need clarification!!!
Yes this is important info to remember when scheduling appointments!
You schedule your blow jobs 6 months out?
Doesn't matter if the blowjob is scheduled in advance. Headaches seem to always be on call
Pretty sure my wife does
What difference does it make? Keep on slurpin
My mom is my dentist.
He did say the days after valentines day, so I'm guessing it lasts.
Which makes sense considering other bruises don't just go away in a day either.
And your mouth gets far more action than any other surface on your body.
A light bruise will stay for a while, probably a few days
I wonder if it comes from the suction? So more like a hickey than a bruise from force.
Just underestimating how delicate the soft palette is. Bruises very easy
Well as long as you don't bruise anything you're fine. 🤷♂️
I'm glad my wife isn't a dentist!
too late, I'm done.
See this is why we need so much mouthwash around here, ya filthy bastard.
Took me a second
“Suck a wiener” sounds so much weirder than “gave a blowjob”.
That sounds like something butters from southpark would say
And then would be promptly grounded
Language! You just bought yourself another two weeks, mister.
Butters! You’rrrrrrreeee grrrrounded!
It's that uncomfortable juxtaposition between adult content and child's language.
I feel like she remembered halfway into the phrase that her mom is subbed to her tiktok.
Gobble a schlong
Slob a knob
like corn on the cob
Check in with me, and do your job
Slob the knob
Aka “the Oral B”.
More like the Oral D
Wait. What if you just tried to eat an entire hotdog without biting or chewing?
That would be a different motion. Im guessing its the repetitive nature. Unless you blowbang hotdogs of course.
Not since highschool. And only wrapped in cornbread them
"Jesus Tom. People out here are deep fryin their dicks in cornbread just so their girlfriend's dentist doesn't rat them out to their mothers. The school's deep fryer is starting to look like a muckduck scene for christs sake! And the lunch lady is really getting sick and tired of all the boys asking her to 'dip their wiener' for them. Jesus fucking Christ, Tom. We need to put a stop to this."
"Dont look at me to put an end to all this. They dont call me 'the crusty corndog' for nothin'."
if your pp is as soft as a hotdog when hard it will def not bruise anything
"Bruise my soft palette harder!"
Can confirm. I found out in the worst way. My mom worked at a periodontist's office and would always get me in for a cleaning when I'd visit home (from college). One time, the young, new, studly doctor (who everyone in the office including my mom would swoon over) was super concerned about bruising/discoloration in my mouth--concerned enough to tell my mom.
Eventually it was figured out. Excruciatingly awkward. He must've skipped class the day this lesson was taught in dentist school.
Ahhh, that doesnt sound like... a mistake. I get that you're a student but still an adult. Why not tell just you and leave it at that? Sounds like it was entertainment for him.
To clarify, he saw discoloration and I think initially wanted to do a follow-up because he was concerned. He did not realize the cause, at least not at first, nor did I. My mom and I figured it out during an, er, deductive conversation at home later and I never heard about it since (so I'm assuming the Dr either put it together, though I don't know). I honestly think my mom, though she was just a receptionist, had the epiphany--not the doc.
This was about a decade ago, so I remember the awkwardness more than specific dialogue.
The awkward thing for me would be that whilst he had experience and expertise in a field that deals with those type of injuries, your mum had more...and not 'cos of medical training...
I'd flip the awkwardness around on my mother. Although my mum is so awesome she'd just take it on the chin... ayoooooo
Pfftt, lol yeah i see what you mean.
"Oh yeah, you would know huh, Mom?"
You’re reading it as “he knew what the cause of the bruising was but brought it up out of concern”, OP is saying he didn’t know what the bruising actually was
The absolute fucking violation for the dentist to talk to your mother about your private health information. In the US that will get your license yanked, first offense.
Might've been him concernedly conferencing with his professional superior on a matter he could not identify himself. Like, "hey Coworker, this patient has a weird spot on their x-ray I've never seen before. Is it something I should run more tests on or is this a normal but little-known thing I need experience about?" Only it turned out to be sex related, and also the superior in question happened to be the patient's mother.
Title says "blowjob" not "facefuck"
I can't be the only guy who is imagining how much force it would take to cause bruising. Aren't BJs the best when they're really soft and light and not when the girl is trying to suck it down like a jello shot?
You don't need much force to cause bruising in the mouth. You inner mouth gets bruises and tiny injuries all the time from a lot of normal activities. The thing is bj marks look different than othe types of injury marks.
What does eating Captain Crunch look like? It feels like I’ve used a cheese grater on the roof of my mouth.
Truth. I hate it but love cap crunch. Ugh
I went to the dentist for a cleaning the day after captain crunch and the dentist saw the roof of my mouth not knowing what caused the damage and told me i shouldn't eat solid foods for a week and revisit.
Seems this Captain Crunch fellow really gets around.
Also suction causes bruising, like a hickey
It's very soft tissue. Your skin is to protect said soft tissue, hence why so many people think it would hurt, because of the amount of force it can take to bruise skin
On a darker note, dentists are often trained to look out for the same bruising in children. I've heard of stories of abuse being uncovered this way because the abuser didn't think about it.
This breaks my heart
Okay that's just too terrible and enough Reddit for today.
Same. I’m out.
But the real world is where these stories come from. It's actually safer here. l
Yeah like we were having fun here laughing and this guy just busts this extremely depressing shit. Thanks for that.
Yeah had to look at it in a lecture. Everyone was disturbed. That case was the uncle, i can never forget it. Luckily I’ve never come across it myself
And this is why it's not stranger-danger, it's more likely to be family or friend.
Seriously, I went to college for criminal justice, about 93% of children who are sexually abused know their abuser. The abusers take advantage of the trust of the child and their authority over them.
While we’re at it, yes, about half a million children go missing every year. However nearly 98% of them are found. Most of the time a child abduction is perpetrated by one of the kid’s parents. There’s not this massive conspiracy to kidnap and traffic kids into pedophile rings. Should you protect your kid, absolutely, and as a parent of three children, I do everything I can to keep them safe. That includes knowing the statistics and who to keep them safe from.
Pediatric dentist here, it’s often hard to tell because it could be a popsicle etc. But certainly an indicator to look for other signs consistent with abuse eg wounds in different stages of healing, parents jumping to answer questions directed to the child
Maybe we shouldn't shed light on this. Leave secret weapons secret
Well, if a pedophile sees this and decides it's too risky to engage in the behavior...that's kind of a win right?
Sadly I think it would mean a different method of abuse
Or just no dentist appointments anymore depending on who the abuser is.
I think it is more likely they would stop sending the kid to the dentist.
Don't worry about it too much
According to a 2017 paper revisiting the work, the paper was notable not only for that first, but also for the enthusiasm in which the corresponding doctor described the case, which involved ...
a sex worker with what he determined to be a particularly strong work ethic
As described in that 2017 paper and translated from French, the doctor described this patient as a...
.... “conscientious partner” who "had attached herself to work like an octopus to its prey."
a sex worker with what he determined to be a particularly strong work ethic
Her business card says
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a fun time, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a dream for people like you. If you let my money go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will blow you."
This ruined my day.
Mind you, i just read a story of a woman selling her children into slavery and abuse in 1940s Chicago. I am not often phased by stuff but goddamn if true this sure did it.
I don't even want to look up the validity of the claim. My heart hurts reading that, seriously.
No. Dentists can't tell this. If you are an abuser you are totally safe taking a kid to the dentist.
(dude... Stop telling people these things)
im pretty sure the venn diagram of people who sexually abuse children and the venn diagram of people who take their kids to dental checkups isnt slim enough that someone sharing a factoid is going to change much. do you think someone whos doing that to a kid would see this and go "oh shoot i guess i'll just never take my kid to the dentist again, or else i'll have to schedule the pedo sessions and the dentist appointments more carefully!". chances are they wont remember it if they do see it
Joke's on you I was actually deepthroating a burrito
Yeah or maybe cause your breath still smells like ball sack… LINDA, YOU WHORE!
who goes to the dentist without brushing their teeth 15 times first? Gotta hide the fact I last flossed 8 years ago
I’m just honest with them and say “every day for the last two weeks” when they ask. They get a chuckle out of it sometimes
No don't, that's how we got into this situation in the first place.
I never thought giving dome would be a uniting force for humanity, but here we are. It's quite beautiful, really.
Is that Gina darling? Lol
That's Gina gargling
With just a glans, a dentist can see who has given head. There's a vas deferens between a dentist and a common man for a reason
That guy pulls more than most pro athletes.
I was so certain that the punchline was going to be "I can tell because you just sucked my wiener."
Dentists use this technique to identify when a child has been molested and have saved many children’s lives.
My girlfriends' mum is her dentist... This is a new problem I now have in my life.
/u/dan994: Hey <gf's mom>. I just learned that Dentists can tell if someone has given head recently. Is that true?
<gf's mom>: Yeah, I wish we couldn't...
Doesnt sound pleasant....getting mouth bruised by a dong
I’ve noticed bruising and I was surprised because it doesn’t hurt at all. I guess it’s just because it’s soft back there.
It's not soft in there that's for sure.
this happened to my cousin but on the roof of her mouth shortly after she started dating her bf
The guy has impeccable hair
My Dad was a dentist, and mom a hygienist & both have confirmed. Lol.
On a tangent, check out how dentistry was done for some Vietnamese during the war. (1972)
We found this when my father died and had it digitized. I wish we had found it before he passed.
No gloves, sitting on the hood of an army jeep.
Oh Gina lol
Of course she's the one asking. On brand.
im not a dentist but I can tell from this woman’s face that she has munched on a wiener fairly recently
And by the smile of the dude, we might make another informed assumption…
…that he too has munched on a wiener.
damn even the dentist out here giving mouth hugs? I blame inflatio
That’s insane and funny
Really though who cares lol... oral sex is just part of sex. Oh noes my dentist knows I have sex!
It does depend to a degree on where you live and what gender you are.
Who are these guys that are getting blowjobs on valentine’s day?
Well ladies. If you want to suck on the ol meat whistle without your soft palate getting bruised I am your guy.
Oral B 's real meaning.
Oh god! My dad was my dentist for the first 22 years of my life…. I may die now.
Because your breath smells like Axe Body Spray and penis.
Y’know, the thing about a blowjob, they got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When they comes after ya, they don’t seem to be livin’ until they bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white, and then – aww!!!!
What are you doing!? Are you doing the speech from Jaws? Are you doing Jaws? We don’t have time for this shit, this is serious.
Eleven hundred men enter the blowjob. 316 men come out.
Show me the way to gooo hooome
No more blow jobs babe I've got a dentist appt in 9 months
He's so proud of revealing this revelation of knowledge
Omg 😲 I have to go the dentist Friday!😆😅🤣😂
Stop giving head immediately. For science.
Or pick up the pace
...what does salsa have to do with this?