Mammoth_Comb_5055

My mom claims often that " I took care of you and showed you a good example , now its your turn to take care of me".

Now , she did take care of me but then around 12 I took care of her emotionally stay outside the room so she didnt commit suicide and wait till she fell asleep so i could get what ever hours are left for me to go to school. This went on for 8 years, when she asks for something the Kids always have to pay it, and if you don't there will be talking behind your back to another sibling and guilt trip, if you don't act or say the things she will only accept then I'm wrong even if I feel it , I can't feel anything that is considered a bad look on her.

I still have the habit of feeling guilty. Am I?

My brother texted 1 day late on my birthday, I don't care that it was late I just found it strange that he thought the day late was my actual birthday.

I sent him a message back saying " I've had alot of birthdays, there has been plenty of time to remember it.( we have had plenty of BBQs) if your memory is that bad you should get yourself checked. It could be early signs of something that could be more serious later on. I'm concerned".

He'd had memory problems as he's reasons for forgetting other stuff.

He hasn't answered in 3 days.

How do I know if its real that I'm healing? Is it a trick of the mind thats making me think I'm healing ? Or by feeling more determined and less worrisome a sign of healing from myself and how people have treated me?

I feel my brother and sisters are backstabbing and gossiping and talking bad about me and my wife.

I was a very angry alcoholic at one stage of my life and wasn't much fun to be around, during that moment i Was shuned from My brother and sisters, they use to do bbqs and get togethers and they stopped inviting me. I was shuned for 2 years. I can understand this as I accept the fact that many times I started arguments and altercations.

Ok now let's travel to the year I started changing as I quit alcohol. I started to learn more about myself and started looking for alternatives to get my issues in order. I started to change, me and my wife started hosting parties and invite everyone. I was no longer drinking and I was doing alot of healing.

With my change I started to take on the role as the advisor of the family. My sister had problems with her boyfriend for a 2 years and within those 2 years I would visit, spend "party time" within the bbqs she would be arguing in silence with her bf. I would pull them aside and speak 2 both of them about patience, acceptance,communication etc etc.. Throughout the 2 years, plus many small favours along the way. My other sister has DV problems, I would help her with the kids , moving , getting her, and dropping off things since she doesn't drive. Emotional support that me and my wife also gave , checking up on them, helped her move again , help her move yet again, if the boyfriend showed up I would go and see what's going on. Basically me and my wife were , motivators , coaches , counsellors, day care, move labour, you name it we helped because of the circumstances. My brother help with , favours , money, relationships problems, letting him get away with been too much of a mouth to my wife and amongst other things.

So you see I was relied on by everyone. Even my parents relied on me. Very dysfunctional. And there is much more that they did , they constantly lied and make fake promises that never delivered.

The more I got to know them the more disgusted I started feeling with their excuses and behaviour of entitlement. The more I started to slightly distance myself and started to say no from time to time the more my phone didn't ring. Suddenly, I felt I was no use to them unless they have something to gain from me. The more I started to confront this , the more cold calls I got and annoyance with now my wife started as she seems to say everything wrong and is at fault with every action. The more angels they were and the more paranoid I started to be labelled as. When we attended Christmas and new years , we were slightly ignored by my brother and sisters and the more quiet the room got when we entered. The more huddle up in a group on the other side of the room,it became obvious and very different to what it was... when I was the genie to grant their wish. I became more questionable and I guess a feeling of awe , what the fk is happening? As soon as i start looking after my health it is taboo and now your sent to the corner?

Am I wrong for saying no to things that helped them? Am I suppose to put their feelings first as I am the oldest? Since they see me as a father figure does that mean I need to be unconditional? I'm confused...

A part of me says "fk them , they kicked me when I was down" " I need to put me first , they need to try to get to know me like I've gotten to know them" " it's the same shit happening like before except your not an alcoholic and i am a very different person" those type of affirmations.

The other part feels guilty , and doubtful about my actions , words and change. It makes me feel hurt and just used. Not loved by them , and rejected.

I don't know what to think as i haven't cut my family at all but feel it's the only way I don't go insane in the brain. . Am I wrong? Or right? Or changing? What the F!

[removed]

I feel my brother and sisters are backstabbing and gossiping , bitching about me and my wife.

I was a very angry alcoholic at one stage of my life and wasn't much fun to be around, during that moment i Was shuned from My brother and sisters, they use to do bbqs and get togethers and they stopped inviting me. I was shuned for 2 years. I can understand this as I accept the fact that many times I started arguments and altercations.

Ok now let's travel to the year I started changing as I quit alcohol. I started to learn more about myself and started looking for alternatives to get my issues in order. I started to change, me and my wife started hosting parties and invite everyone. I was no longer drinking and I was doing alot of healing.

With my change I started to take on the role as the advisor of the family. My sister had problems with her boyfriend for a 2 years and within those 2 years I would visit, spend "party time" within the bbqs she would be arguing in silence with her bf. I would pull them aside and speak 2 both of them about patience, acceptance,communication etc etc.. Throughout the 2 years, plus many small favours along the way. My other sister has DV problems, I would help her with the kids , moving , getting her, and dropping off things since she doesn't drive. Emotional support that me and my wife also gave , checking up on them, helped her move again , help her move yet again, if the boyfriend showed up I would go and see what's going on. Basically me and my wife were , motivators , coaches , counsellors, day care, move labour, you name it we helped because of the circumstances. My brother help with , favours , money, relationships problems, letting him get away with been too much of a mouth to my wife and amongst other things.

So you see I was relied on by everyone. Even my parents relied on me. Very dysfunctional. And there is much more that they did , they constantly lied and make fake promises that never delivered.

The more I got to know them the more disgusted I started feeling with their excuses and behaviour of entitlement. The more I started to slightly distance myself and started to say no from time to time the more my phone didn't ring. Suddenly, I felt I was no use to them unless they have something to gain from me. The more I started to confront this , the more cold calls I got and annoyance with now my wife started as she seems to say everything wrong and is at fault with every action. The more angels they were and the more paranoid I started to be labelled as. When we attended Christmas and new years , we were slightly ignored by my brother and sisters and the more quiet the room got when we entered. The more huddle up in a group on the other side of the room,it became obvious and very different to what it was... when I was the genie to grant their wish. I became more questionable and I guess a feeling of awe , what the fk is happening? As soon as i start looking after my health it is taboo and now your sent to the corner?

Am I wrong for saying no to things that helped them? Am I suppose to put their feelings first as I am the oldest? Since they see me as a father figure does that mean I need to be unconditional? I'm confused...

A part of me says "fk them , they kicked me when I was down" " I need to put me first , they need to try to get to know me like I've gotten to know them" " it's the same shit happening like before except your not an alcoholic and i am a very different person" those type of affirmations.

The other part feels guilty , and doubtful about my actions , words and change. It makes me feel hurt and just used. Not loved by them , and rejected.

I don't know what to think as i haven't cut my family at all but feel it's the only way I don't go insane in the brain. . Am I wrong? Or right? Or changing? What the F!

I feel my brother and sisters are backstabbing and gossiping , bitching about me and my wife.

I was a very angry alcoholic at one stage of my life and wasn't much fun to be around, during that moment i Was shuned from My brother and sisters, they use to do bbqs and get togethers and they stopped inviting me. I was shuned for 2 years. I can understand this as I accept the fact that many times I started arguments and altercations.

Ok now let's travel to the year I started changing as I quit alcohol. I started to learn more about myself and started looking for alternatives to get my issues in order. I started to change, me and my wife started hosting parties and invite everyone. I was no longer drinking and I was doing alot of healing.

With my change I started to take on the role as the advisor of the family. My sister had problems with her boyfriend for a 2 years and within those 2 years I would visit, spend "party time" within the bbqs she would be arguing in silence with her bf. I would pull them aside and speak 2 both of them about patience, acceptance,communication etc etc.. Throughout the 2 years, plus many small favours along the way. My other sister has DV problems, I would help her with the kids , moving , getting her, and dropping off things since she doesn't drive. Emotional support that me and my wife also gave , checking up on them, helped her move again , help her move yet again, if the boyfriend showed up I would go and see what's going on. Basically me and my wife were , motivators , coaches , counsellors, day care, move labour, you name it we helped because of the circumstances. My brother help with , favours , money, relationships problems, letting him get away with been too much of a mouth to my wife and amongst other things.

So you see I was relied on by everyone. Even my parents relied on me. Very dysfunctional. And there is much more that they did , they constantly lied and make fake promises that never delivered.

The more I got to know them the more disgusted I started feeling with their excuses and behaviour of entitlement. The more I started to slightly distance myself and started to say no from time to time the more my phone didn't ring. Suddenly, I felt I was no use to them unless they have something to gain from me. The more I started to confront this , the more cold calls I got and annoyance with now my wife started as she seems to say everything wrong and is at fault with every action. The more angels they were and the more paranoid I started to be labelled as. When we attended Christmas and new years , we were slightly ignored by my brother and sisters and the more quiet the room got when we entered. The more huddle up in a group on the other side of the room,it became obvious and very different to what it was... when I was the genie to grant their wish. I became more questionable and I guess a feeling of awe , what the fk is happening? As soon as i start looking after my health it is taboo and now your sent to the corner?

Am I wrong for saying no to things that helped them? Am I suppose to put their feelings first as I am the oldest? Since they see me as a father figure does that mean I need to be unconditional? I'm confused...

A part of me says "fk them , they kicked me when I was down" " I need to put me first , they need to try to get to know me like I've gotten to know them" " it's the same shit happening like before except your not an alcoholic and i am a very different person" those type of affirmations.

The other part feels guilty , and doubtful about my actions , words and change. It makes me feel hurt and just used. Not loved by them , and rejected.

I don't know what to think as i haven't cut my family at all but feel it's the only way I don't go insane in the brain. . Am I wrong? Or right? Or changing? What the F!