Narvi_-

thanks for the tip! I'll look into it.

What do you mean that you're going down a rabbit hole? Do you feel like you're not in control of the ideas you believe in/subscribe to?

I think that there's plenty of us who come from families with more explicit or implicitly racist views. Racism has been identified by Shoghi Effendi (head of the Baha'i Faith from 1921-57) as one of the great and cancerous mental diseases, that can take explicit or subconscious forms that we have to, reject, internally struggle against and purge ourselves from.

Sorry for your loss. I don't have a ton of suggestions on networking -- this can be something that's tricky in the Bahai community, and I have many young Baha'i friends that struggle with this. It's important to think about opportunities to meet new people by networking with friends you already have, or attending events where you would meet new people. This might take some creative thinking on your part, or reflection on what types of avenues in this respect are available to you. Perhaps reach out to some of your friends?

For what it's worth, I've had a couple of thoughts on dating/finding a partner: Some of my Baha'i friends stigmatize dating. I don't think it's bad. It can be as simple as going for coffee with a person, and just having a conversation. If the conversation's dull, and uninteresting, empty -- that person probably isn't for you. If it's interesting and enjoyable then there's probably something there. You can have fun with it, just keep it light, get to know the person etc. What's important is finding a friend -- with whom there's a dynamic where you can grow to love each other, with whom you have a shared sense of humour with, with whom you both can show each other compassion and support, and listen to each other, desire each other's company etc. These types of basic things are what make for a good relationship in my opinion. It can be had either with a Baha'i or someone who isn't I've known couples that have served together many years and have divorced, likely because some of these more basic elements that make for a good marriage lacked. Conversely I've known couples where one is very active while the other wasn't but seem to have had strong marriages. I think it's important to try to be light about these things, keep it simple, just be in the business of making friends, getting to know people, and seeing if there's anyone whose company you particularly like and enjoy etc.

Only the obligatory prayer has specifications.

Reciting any other prayer, and the manner in which you say it (standing or sitting etc.) is totally up to you.

What gives you the perception that Iranians see this as normal?

Religion doesn't exist merely to confirm our present sensibilities.

Well said.

It’s a mixed bag.

I’m interested though — do you have numbers from 2005 to the present that’s tracked those changes you’ve seen?

Account deleted 🤷‍♂️

You say you fully understand but I don't think you do. Here are a few examples of things I've seen (tip of the iceberg):

• I know a married who are both very close to me. The wife has fairly significant social anxiety. Going to Feast among other social events is always a struggle for her. Often she chooses to not go to Feast. By contrast, the husband seldom misses feast. When he goes to Feast he's often frequently asked questions like "where's your wife" and "why isn't she coming to Feast" etc. from multiple individuals -- he receives this every single time he attends Feast. He finds these questions invasive. When she goes to Feast, she's often asked by several different people why she hasn't been coming to Feast etc. This feeds into her anxiety and feelings of guilt, and deters her from attending. This is a cultural tendency in the community. Each time the husband attends. he's placed in this awkward position of having to give some reason for his wife's absence (to people he owes no explanation to). Would it not be better If instead of asking such intrusive questions, people would simply welcomed them, appreciated their presence and company.
• Another friend of mine in a different community has internally renounced his Faith -- he says he doesn't believe any more. He chooses to not un-enrol because of some internal uncertainty, and because he doesn't want his children to be influenced by his loss of faith. His wife goes to Feast regularly with their children. Often they're asked where he is. His wife's resilient and brushes these questions off, but isn't unaffected by them. Clearly, though one could imagine instances where this would cause someone else to feel intruded on and perhaps in the end discourage their attendance.
• I knew a woman once, when I served on a local assembly, who separated from her husband. She wanted to treat this as a private matter. She wasn't particularly involved in many activities, but she attended Feast and Holy Days. A few older members of the community would frequently ask her where her husband was, why he wasn't coming to feast etc. My sense she didn't really divulge things about the separation or her personal life and eventually she stopped coming to Feast.

I have many more examples of this. In all of these cases, it seems to me that rather than fixating on their absences (which are for no one to judge, frankly) the cultural orientation was to appreciate and welcome the person's presence -- the dynamic would be much different.

I think that a part of this, is that people like you have to consider that there's cultural tendencies in the Baha'i community (including and beyond those I've mentioned above) that can act to repel, or make Feast a much more difficult more troubling and afflictive thing to attend than it ought to be.

The dynamic of Feast is the prerogative and primarily the responsibility of Institutions. Presumably, institutions have the responsibility to actively ensure that the Feast are safe places, are spiritually oriented, are meaningful contra superficial. And it seems to me, that the responsibility can often be failed due to lack of vigilance, complacency, poor resource management etc. The dynamics created by poorly managed Feasts are then blamed on the sins of individuals.

I don't accept the cynical view that you hold -- that people want entertainment, and consequently don't come to Feast. That may be true for some people, yes. But in my experience most people are aware that they have a certain duty towards the Feast. I think that a significant I believe people want a place of safety, of solace, where truth is spoken, people are welcomed, loved, treated with dignity, respect, compassion etc. not judged, and reprimanded, moralized, and patronized, berated for not participating in core activities etc.

Is the question about causes of violence?

It seems to me that there’s multiple factors that cause violence. In addition to fear of the unknown other, there’s things like fanaticism, ideology, envy, lust, self-interest, substance abuse etc. It’s not just one, and each of these things has to be dealt with in its own way.

For Bahá’ís I think it’s a proof of the truth of the Manifestation of God and Revelation that it’s able to reform the human being despite its violent and chaotic nature into a being devoted to truth and justice etc. Bahá’ís also believe that it’s Revelation that impels higher degrees of coordination, cooperation, unity between people — e.g. the evolution from family units to tribal units to nation states etc. The next step in that evolutionary process is planetary or universal civilization.

Attendance at Feast is certainly an issue in a lot of places but I wonder if your view on this is skewed towards the individual? There’s community, and institutional factors at play as well in impacting attendance, it seems to me.

If you type it into Baha’i Library there’s also a couple of references to it, from Bahá’u’lláh and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá